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Misconception of The Assertive Woman

Misconception of the assertive woman
By Sandy Dumont

Why is it that when a woman speaks up in a direct manner at work, she is labeled harsh or aggressive? “Who does she think she is?” is the consensus. When a man speaks up, he is said to be a decisive and strong leader. Psychologists agree that while outspoken men are described as persistent and savvy, outspoken women tend to be classified as a “pain in the butt”.
Understanding the uphill climb and stereotypes women still face today-even in the 21st century-means half the battle is won. The other half must be won by learning new skills.
As an assertiveness training instructor for almost two decades, I’ve found that most people misunderstand and inaccurately describe what it means to be assertive. Assertive behavior results in a “win-win” situation. Aggressive behavior, on the other hand, means that one person wins and one loses. Women are severely penalized for aggressive behavior; men are not.
Here lies the crux of the problem. Because women often mistakenly copy the communication styles of their male counterparts, they are placing themselves in a losing situation. In other words, they’re communicating aggressively rather than assertively, and they never realize their self-defeating error.

Professional women who have learned to speak and act assertively have found the ladder to the top a lot easier to climb. I say “learned” because a person cannot wake up one morning and decide to be assertive. Speaking and acting assertively in a beneficial way requires skills that musts be learned and practiced through role-playing.
One of the first and most important lessons learned through assertiveness training is the effect of voice and tone. Oftentimes, when women get angry or upset, their voices become high-pitched and take on an accusing tone. Here’s an example: “Steve, you’re always getting to meeting late. You know perfectly well that you need to give the first report. We’ve been waiting for you 30 minutes! Why can’t you be on time?”
It’s that upward lilting intonation with the last word that is particularly accusative. Combined with a high-pitched voice, it nearly guarantees that you will be tuned out and possibly labeled as a screechy, whining woman.
So what’s a woman to do?
Women need to replace accusative language with assertive language, lower their voices, and speak slowly and calmly when speaking out. They are then heard better and accorded more respect. Here is good assertive language: “Steve, you arrive late every Friday for our committee meeting. Your report needs to go first, so it causes us to start late. In the future, I would like you to arrive on time. Is that agreed?”
It is also important for women to reinforce assertive language with clothes and accessories that look authoritative. Suggestive garments, frilly, too-casual or collegiate attire must be avoided at all costs. Female chief executive officers say when they are dressed more powerfully they receive a higher level of respect and cooperation from employees as well as clients.
Dressing in an authoritative manner and mastering assertive communication skills can boost your career. If your ride to the top has stalled or has been halted, look into these tactics to see whether they hold the key to further promotions and ladder climbing.

Source: The Virginian Pilot
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