The people you meet and remember are likely to fall into one of two categories. They are so outland­ish, clownish, or unusual looking that you can’t help but remember them. Then there are those who look so powerful, attractive, and important that you pause to gaze at them, and they linger in your mind long after they have disap­peared from sight. Unfortunately the vast majority of people belong somewhere in the middle. They are neither remembered nor noticed.

When you see a person for the first time, you make an instant evaluation that is almost always permanent and rarely given a second thought. According to Kevin Hogan, author of “The Science of Influence,” most people you see are processed, literally, as “no.” Hogan as­serts that the amount of respect you would have for them is “no,” and the answer to a question they might ask you is a polite but certain “no.” In other words, they are dismissed from your mind permanently.

On the other hand, Hogan asserts, there are a few people you meet that your initial response to is “yes.” They are at­tractive, they have taste, they appear to be healthy, and you like them. You may not even have spoken to them yet, but you have categorized them. Two categories that are popular with the “unconscious” is whether you are of high status or low status. Both humans and animals are wired to be attracted to the more powerful and high-status indi­viduals. Another instant filter is whether your unconscious finds people attractive, un­attractive, or somewhere in between.

It’s to the people in between you say “maybe” to. These are the ones who have incongruencies about them. In Hogan’s words, “Perhaps they are not at­tractive, but they have taste and style and you approve of other filters as well. Or perhaps they are attractive, but they have numerous body markings and pierc­ings that give you pause to wonder about them.” Unfortunately, sometimes we don’t have enough time to get from “maybe” to “yes.”

Sadly, then we are doomed to remain in Never Never Land, along with those who were dismissed with a curt NO. Ultimately, Hogan and renowned social psychologists and other experts agree that those who look successful and classy are the ones who are noticed, remembered, and given a “yes.”

Timothy D. Wilson, psychology professor at University of Vir­ginia and author of Strangers to Ourselves, asserts that the unconscious mind usually makes the deci­sions and the conscious mind goes along with it. When you see a person, your unconscious mind goes straight to work and processes informa­tion instantaneously. Our conscious mind, unaware of the process since the two “minds” don’t com­municate, calls this feedback intuition or a “gut feeling.” You just didn’t click with the person, or conversely, maybe you fell in love with him at first sight. Kevin Hogan puts it in a more simplistic way when he says that you categorize people as either Yes or No, with the occasional Maybe thrown in.

If you want to avoid being relegated to Never Never Land, you need to look polished and classy from head to toe and on all occasions. Even in casual attire. In other words, if you want to register a Yes with those you meet, you must look like you just left the country club, a polo match, or your yacht. If it looks as if you are going to a garage sale, you will very likely be dismissed and be sent straight to Never Never Land.
We all want to be liked, and we spend countless hours fretting over being “dis­missed” or not being liked enough. The solution is simple, according to Wilson, Hogan, and countless other experts. If you want to be noticed and given deferential treatment, all you have to do is stand out from the crowd by looking polished and classy rather than careless and frumpy. Often the only expense involved is taking a little more time with your appearance. It’s an investment that will reap dividends that can be counted in terms of your bot­tom line as well as your self esteem.  

Sandy Dumont, THE Image Architect is an image consultant and professional speaker based in Virginia Beach, with 30 years of international and national experience helping individuals and Fortune 500 companies improve their image. She conducts customized Branding for People™workshops on a regular basis.
For more information, visit www.theimagearchitect.com or call 757/627-6669.

To view the original article in Tidewater Women, please visit here

by Sandy Dumont, THE Image Architect © 2007
Originally published in Tidewater Women, May 2007